Friday, October 25, 2013

Despicable Movie 2

I really wanted to like Despicable Me 2 since I really enjoyed the first one.

But didn't.

Issue 1:
Maybe it's because I'm dead inside, but the story was crap, it's said that there are a lot of "suspects" but we only get to know one. The others are not even present nor interesting. Aside from The Hangover 3 this might be the worst use of Ken Jeong I've ever seen.

Issue 2:
The humor was poor (except for a couple of moments), and the terrible thing is that all those moments are in the first act. After the middle the movie drags and drags.

Issue 3:
The new characters were boring. I hated Lucy and what they tried to do with her. It's been done, and better. El Macho worked for about two seconds before it got annoying. The girls turned into non-characters only there to be either Mcguffins (Margo), Aww factor (Agnes) or nothing (Edith).

Issue 4:
The threat was garbage, the movie has no conflict. Every possible threat is resolved a couple of minutes it's introduced and with no development whatsoever. Characters change sides without motivation. They even failed to do a proper "final" monster. I know we're on a moment when everything (specially content aimed at children is basically pre-chewed and semi-digested) but a slightly scarier monster would have worked wonders.

Minions are still cool, though. I'm just sorry we needed a bad movie just to get the toys we should have gotten with the first.

Well, I guess it's the price you pay sometimes.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Only in Argentina: In Soviet Russia, Infinity beyonds you!

I have no idea what the Hell is this, but I thought it was too funny not to share.

I proudly present the first commander of the Space KGB!

The Cossack of the Cosmos!

The Socialist of Space!

Buzz Lightyearovich!

Your guess is as good as mine... Really...

Until next time!

Monday, April 2, 2012

League Business: Michael Bay f*cks everything up

Slow toy week guys, my camera is busted and while I fix it I've been painting and writing, but sadly, not about toys.

I almost skipped this week's topic of the League.

The title was "Michael Bay makes everything better" but that must have been a typo since Michael Bay is a horrible director that, in my humble opinion, should be condemned for crimes against humanity.

Yes, I believe that Armageddon and Transformers II are no more than acts of war that violate the most basic human rights. And that Michael Bay shouldn't be allowed to even go near a camera.

But these guys express my opinions in ways I can't:

So, no, I can't possibly imagine a movie that would be better with Michael Bay behind the wheel.

But then, because I'm such an awesome guy and really like to give second (or in MB case eleventh) chances, I started to think. I had to undo MB movies into their most basic characteristics:

Weird Close-ups?


Using actors as objects?

And for the ladies...


Bodily fluids?

Ew... I mean... Check!

Absolutely no plot?

Do I even have to check it? Check!

Excruciating bad acting?

Oh my God! Check!

So, what kind of movie involves weird close-ups, bad acting, no plot, bodily fluids and treats actors like objects?

Of course! Porn!

But then, Michael Bay does have one more thing going for him, right? Guns and explosions. So he would need a war porn movie? Is that even a thing?

Apparently yes, yes it is. Google says that this is a porn parody of Apocalypse Now. And is also the only film Michael Bay would improve if he directed it.

See, instead of taking him out the back and shooting him in the head, like he did with Transformers, I'm giving him a job. That's because I'm generous...

Until next time!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

League Business: End of the world buddy

This week's topic: What TV or film character would you like to have at your side during a zombie apocalypse.

Hmm... Let's see...

Nah... Too easy.

OK, since Brian never stated that we had to pick a human I feel an inclination to choose this guy:

The T-800 Terminator is perfect for the job, he doesn't need sleep or food, he can use any kind of weapon and crush zombies with his bare hands while saying stuff like "Hasta la vista, zombie". How cool is that?

But then I felt I was cheating, and, for the first time in my life, decided to look a this issue from a logical point of view.

After many days of pondering, I found out my perfect companion for the zombie apocalypse:

Seth, from Superbad. Now, let me explain. In a zombie apocalypse when you are outnumbered a bazillion to one, you can't really count on silent-ninja-commando-acrobats, one-liner-tobacco-chewing-state-governors or Machine-gun-stepping-strippers, you can only trust in yourself. And because of that, a zombie apocalypse scenario will almost always end in tears.

Well I know myself, I'm a pretty solid guy and, with some luck, I probably can take out a zombie or two before start screaming like a little girl. Then, as Monty Python would say it, you'll have to run away. And the zombies always chase you.

As I said, I'm a solid guy, but not particularly fast. That's why I chose Seth. I know I can outrun Seth.

Check the other members (cup-half-full) picks.

Until next time.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I got most of my data wrong...

The actual name of the line is Futurama Tineez and the Destructor is not even for sale yet. I still want it, but now I'm kinda glad I didn't preorder it almost a year ago!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

League Business: My Blockbuster

This week's assignment, if you were a big time Hollywood producer, what Blockbuster would you put your money into.

As you would expect, I chose a geeky one.

A comic based movie with my favorite dynamic duo:

That's right! Blue Beetle and Booster Gold.

This is a project I often talked about with a friend. He says the time for this movie and the people I want to cast in it has passed. I say there's still time.

Of course this is not going to be a super-hero action film, oh, is going to have action of course, but it's also a comedy, and a buddy movie. After all, stuff like this happened in the comics all the time:

(Before Ted's death that is...)

So, we have a blonde guy and shorter dark haired guy, who are friends and also funny... I have seen people like that somewh... Oh, wait...

Yeah, they might be a bit older now, but this movie doesn't really need them to be young. And as bad as Starsky and Hutch was, you know how funny they can be when they are funny.

As writers of the movie (I won't do it this time, I'm the producer, dammit!) I'd call Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatteis. The guys responsible for me loving this pair of losers/comedians/heroes. And Ben Stiller himself, to help translate the story into cinematic form.

As director I would call Gore Verbinski. Why? Because he directed Pirates of the Caribbean, so I know he can handle adventure and special effects, but he also directed Mouse Hunt, so you know he can do comedy too.

I really want to see this movie. What do you say Booster?

Couldn't have said it better.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Tom Freak's Crappy Customs: OMFG edition

Today I took a perfectly fine and innocent Multiskull and turned it into an abomination!

Inspiration came to me when Monsterforge (te guy who sculpted Multiskull and also the guy I should apologize to) mentioned the movie Reefer Madness in the October toys forum.

And I did this. I call it

High Skull!



(Sorry Charles!)