This week's topic: What TV or film character would you like to have at your side during a zombie apocalypse.
Hmm... Let's see...
Nah... Too easy.
OK, since Brian never stated that we had to pick a human I feel an inclination to choose this guy:
The T-800 Terminator is perfect for the job, he doesn't need sleep or food, he can use any kind of weapon and crush zombies with his bare hands while saying stuff like "Hasta la vista, zombie". How cool is that?
But then I felt I was cheating, and, for the first time in my life, decided to look a this issue from a logical point of view.
After many days of pondering, I found out my perfect companion for the zombie apocalypse:
Well I know myself, I'm a pretty solid guy and, with some luck, I probably can take out a zombie or two before start screaming like a little girl. Then, as Monty Python would say it, you'll have to run away. And the zombies always chase you.
As I said, I'm a solid guy, but not particularly fast. That's why I chose Seth. I know I can outrun Seth.
This week's assignment, if you were a big time Hollywood producer, what Blockbuster would you put your money into.
As you would expect, I chose a geeky one.
A comic based movie with my favorite dynamic duo:
That's right! Blue Beetle and Booster Gold.
This is a project I often talked about with a friend. He says the time for this movie and the people I want to cast in it has passed. I say there's still time.
Of course this is not going to be a super-hero action film, oh, is going to have action of course, but it's also a comedy, and a buddy movie. After all, stuff like this happened in the comics all the time:
(Before Ted's death that is...)
So, we have a blonde guy and shorter dark haired guy, who are friends and also funny... I have seen people like that somewh... Oh, wait...
Yeah, they might be a bit older now, but this movie doesn't really need them to be young. And as bad as Starsky and Hutch was, you know how funny they can be when they are funny.
As writers of the movie (I won't do it this time, I'm the producer, dammit!) I'd call Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatteis. The guys responsible for me loving this pair of losers/comedians/heroes. And Ben Stiller himself, to help translate the story into cinematic form.
As director I would call Gore Verbinski. Why? Because he directed Pirates of the Caribbean, so I know he can handle adventure and special effects, but he also directed Mouse Hunt, so you know he can do comedy too.
I really want to see this movie. What do you say Booster?
This week the League asked to choose the greatest badass in TV and movie history choosing from 16 candidates.
Here's how the tournament goes:
Sitting in his throne, Conan declares Mortal Kombat to find a worthy oponent.
First Match: John McClane vs. Bruce Lee.
Bruce gets some nice footwork and a couple of nice punches, but then he gets confused by the fact that he's the only non-fictional character of the list. John McClane uses his confusion to shot him in the head.
Yippi ki yay indeed.
Second Match: John Rambo Vs. Dirty Harry
John Rambo has trainig, a history of helping the Taliban and a lot of arrows, he's also some dude's worst nightmare. But he felt lucky, and he was kind of a punk, and in the middle of a war flashback Harry takes him down.
Third Match: Col. James Braddock Vs. Jason Bourne.
Well... Jason Bourne is Matt Damon:
And Col. James Braddock is Chuck Norris... He wins! Why? Because he says so, that's why!
Fourth Match: Snake Plissken Vs. Frank Martin.
Frank drives fast cars and likes to pour oil on himself to have half-naked fights with henchmen. Snake Plissken brought the entire future world to his knees by punching a code that fucked everything up. Plus I don't own a Frank Martin action figure, but I do have this:
Fifth Match: James Bond Vs. John Connor.
When I picture James Bond I see this:
And when I imagine John Connor I see this:
James Bond wins!
Sixth Match: Indiana Jones Vs. Dominic Toretto.
No doubt about it. Indiana Jones wins. If he can beat a tank, a whole sect and all the Nazis in Germany he can beat Vin Diessel.
Seventh Match: Rocky Balboa Vs. Martin Riggs
If it was Mad Max, then, maybe he would have had a chance, but Martin Riggs can't beat the guy that kick both Ivan Drago and Mr. T's asses.
Eighth Match: Ash Vs. Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer needs 24 hours to do what Ash does in a couple of minutes. He's a wuss. Plus, Ash has a chainsaw hand and as for fire power, "This is my boom stick!".
First Match: John McClane Vs. Dirty Harry.
John has a headache and his luck is running out. Harry has a really really really...
Really really really big gun. And Die Hard 4 sucked. Harry wins.
Snake Plissken Vs. Chuck Norris... James Bradock.
Sorry, but being Chuck Norris only takes you so far. Snake has the technology and the badass look. Snake wins the fight.
Third Match: James Bond Vs. Indiana Jones.
Well, James Bond, probably with a top secret 60s time machine went back in time and had a son, and that son was Indiana Jones.
As Sean Connery said when preparing for the role, "he's his father, he did it first, he did it better". James Bond wins.
Fourth Match: Ash Vs. Rocky Balboa.
Rocky has a nice reach but, and I can't say this enough, CHAINSAW FUCKING HAND. Ash takes the cake. Groovy!
Dirty Harry Vs. Snake Plissken
They are both really cool. But Snake killed Chef from South Park in the first movie. He wins by an eye-patch.
Ash Vs. James Bond
Shaken, probably, but no stirred. James Bond has the upper hand, but Ash is crazy and is really hard to kill. Facing demons with your own face and skeletal warriors is way harder than dealing with guys that throw their hats. Oddjob? More like Handjob. Ash wins.
Ash Vs. Snake
This is hard, I own action figures of both of them. But while Snake fucked up the future, Ash fucked up the past, the present AND the future. He's the king. Hail to the King, baby.
After the battles were over. Conan said something stupid about the lamentations of the women. Ash laughed and then quickly shut up, because Ash realized that Conan was human, spawned a sequel and there's no bigger badass than him.